It is often difficult to detect or define marital abuse. Victims often tend to get consciously aware of their pathetic plight, once the ugly cycle of abuse has proceeded to its advanced stage involving verbal and physical abuse. Infact marital abuse is a mode of conflict resolution, in which one partner tries to enforce his/her, will over the other using pain, fear and force. The abuser exercises all the weapons at his/her disposal, be it violence, sex, intimidation, sarcasm or money, to batter the sense of self worth of the other partner to a level where he/she starts considering himself/herself responsible for his/her ordeal.

An abusive spouse is often a coward and a bully at the same time. He tries to abuse his/her partner because he/she is sure of the fact that doing so will not invite any serious repercussions. He/she takes an advantage of the marital vows, to establish a sense of control over his/her partner. The abuse often begins with mild innuendoes, unreasonable demands, negative criticism and insulting behaviour and gradually graduates to a full blown physical and sexual violence. If you are a victim of marital abuse, first and foremost you need to develop a conscious awareness about this evil. Marital abuse often comes in a package and the various dimensions of abuse are as follows:

The abusive spouse often tries to isolate his/her partner by influencing his/her social life, using threats, emotional blackmailing and manipulation. It is the abuser, who makes decisions regarding the persons with which the victim will associate or socialize. This often involves insulting and criticizing the victim’s friends, relatives and well wishers. The main purpose on the part of the abuser is to strengthen his/her control and authority over the other partner, by denying him/her any emotional support system. The abusive spouse may often resort to withdrawal, mood swings and tantrums to get his/her way with the victim. This may often be accompanied by unreasonable demands such as preventing the victim from going to work or social gatherings, denying him/her any transport or means of communication, accusing the victim of betrayal and unfaithfulness, etc. In extreme cases, the victim may end up becoming a prisoner in his/her own home.

By verbal abuse we do not merely mean the use of blatant invectives and insults. The perpetrator may sometimes be subtle and sophisticated in his/her approach. The abuser may resort to indirectly hurtful, critical and enervating remarks. The strategy behind the verbal abuse is to openly disapprove of and insult the victim’s beliefs, opinions and choices, thus shattering his/her sense of self worth and self esteem. The abuser may often resort to an unhealthy communication, which may include abusing, yelling, insulting, shouting, mocking, blaming, sneering, calling names, accusing, etc.

Any act of violence or assault, intended to hurt or intimidate the victim is considered to be a physical abuse. It may often begin indiscernibly as a gentle shove or forcefully holding the victims arm during an argument. The most obvious forms of physical abuse are slapping, kicking, punching, beating, etc. Even the threats made with the intention of scaring the victim or depriving him/her of his/her sense of well being and safety, come within the preview of physical abuse.

Sexual abuse involves, forcing the victim into such sexual encounters that are not accompanied by his/her consent and expose him/her to excruciating and humiliating circumstances. Calling sexually derogatory remarks, denying sex, forced sex, sexual criticism, etc. may also be considered to be sexual abuse.

The abuser may use money to torment his/her partner. Depriving a spouse of any financial freedom, burdening him/her with unbearable financial responsibilities, acting financially irresponsible, etc. can be considered to be financially abusive.

It is very rare that an abusive spouse mends his/her ways and that too involves considerable effort and counseling. If you feel that your spouse is chronically abusive, it is better to get out of the marriage, before it gets too late.   

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed <a href="http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk">divorce</a> see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk