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Mistaken relationships - is divorce the answer?

Written by James Walsh
Friday, 27 July 2007
“O Julie ur yday nites bedroom performance was awesome; ur movements made me go crazy” was the text message which was supposed to be sent to Mr. Donald’s secretary and by mistake was sent to his wife. This deadly mistake by Mr. Donald ended his five year old marriage with a divorce. “O Julie ur yday nites bedroom performance was awesome; ur movements made me go crazy” was the text message which was supposed to be sent to Mr. Donald’s secretary and by mistake was sent to his wife. This deadly mistake by Mr. Donald ended his five year old marriage with a divorce. Not surprisingly this is the case with most broken marriages in the UK. The common reason for divorce is either “adultery” or “unreasonable behaviour” where adultery is not involved. Both these reasons offer “instant” divorce whereas the other three grounds for divorce, namely Desertion, Two years' separation with consent and Five years' separation without consent, involve considerable period of delay before obtaining a divorce. While adultery involves what we normally call an “extra marital affair” or it is a sexual relations between one party to the marriage and an outside party of the opposite sex, unreasonable behaviour is simply the break-up of a marriage due to irreconcilable differences between the parties to divorce. But in case of unreasonable behaviour the party seeking divorce needs to provide sufficient evidence such as (a) the marriage has broken down irretrievably and (b) one of the parties to the marriage has behaved in such an unreasonable manner that the other finds it intolerable to live with him or her. The innumerable number of websites, online consultants, and easy to find solicitors have made the process of obtaining a divorce easy. Hence, even those couples who fall victim to day to day trifling disputes resort to divorce as a solution. Though the divorce statistics show that the number of people getting divorced has fallen to a five-year low in 2005 in the UK yet it stands fourth highest among all the countries of the world with a divorce rate of 3.8 divorces per 1,000 people and with US topping the list at 4.95 divorces per 1,000 people. The divorce rate fell to 141,750 in 2005 from 153,399 in 2004, in UK a drop of 7.7 percent. However, the marriage rate also fell by 10.4%, between 2004 and 2005. The fall in the divorce rate is partly attributed to the increasing awareness of the harm caused to young children. Moreover, the number of marriages has also decreased due to more couples opting for cohabiting this has in turn resulted in the fall in divorce rates. Divorce in most societies is considered a social evil but in some it has become the way of life where people simply ‘move on with it’ and does not get an adverse reaction from the society. But recent sociological studies have pointed to a variety of long-term economic, social, physical, and mental health consequences of divorce. Sometimes the emotional trauma that is accompanied with a divorce is so lethal that it results in suicide, whether it be by one of the divorcees or by a child of the divorcees. Children often are the forgotten victims of divorce. Christina McGhee, a divorce counsellor, says that more than one in four children in England will experience the divorce of their parents before they are 16 years old. No matter how amicably a divorce is settled, or how smoothly the transition is planned, divorce is never a pleasant affair. Hence, before taking the drastic step of divorce, the couples should evaluate the various alternatives to divorce. A “trail separation” is a temporary mutual provision made by the couple to live separately for an agreed period of time which will give them time to decide whether a divorce is the answer. The main advantage of a trial separation, of course, is that it's easily reversible because of an informal separation. On the other hand a “separation agreement”, once signed, is a binding contract, between the couple stating at least the terms of distribution of debts, the distribution of assets, the custody and care of the children, and support payments. A separation agreement is a written document which is formal in nature and is accepted by the court. The process of temporary separation may sound healing but sometimes it may cause more damage than repair. Since the parties to the agreement have got the freedom to live separately they may choose to progress their lives with new partners. This may instead cause irreparable damage to the marriage. Therefore, sometimes, to keep the marriage working, counsellors suggest doing nothing and it works like the proverb “time is the biggest healer”. The couples who are opting for divorce as a solution for their battered married life should consider it as the final measure when all other alternatives have failed to maintain a cordial relationship; otherwise, a divorce may simply bring more misery into ones life. James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on getting a <a href="http://www.quickie-divorce.com">Divorce</a> see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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